No such thing as being enough
It will never be enough no matter how hard you try.
There are times when you are doing good, but your good might never be enough.
Countless of kindness you always try to do everyday, but then one mistake just ruined everything and ended you up with the trade mark of “not a good person”. How is it fair?
You are just human who live in a cruel society with so many expectations that you need to fulfill — whether you want it or not. How is it fair that you are still expected to be perfect with no mistakes?
Life is just cruel and we are here born as fighters through every cruelty.
There are also times when you are just fed up so you tried to voice out what’s bothering your mind. Yes, they said sorry, but then just victim-blamed you and made you the bad person here. How can people do such things? Why can’t they just try to internalize everything and try to see it from your point of view? Oh dear, that’s just an unfortunate truth, they wouldn’t even be willing to do so. You’re the one at fault. You will always be.
Sometimes it happens unexpectedly, even from the person that you are very close to. But, that’s just how life is. So many people said, “ Just do whatever you want, screw what they say. Do what makes you happy.”. How I wish it will be that easy to apply it in real life. You will never fully have the ‘freedom’ that they mentioned, you will never. Whether you realize it or not, you will always unconsciously think about another person’s perspective when you do certain things, or even you do things just to please certain person. It’s like a robot who is doing things as programmed. How poor, but it’s just how it is.
I am so far from being enough, and I will never be enough for another person. But I really wish I can be enough for myself. Be proud of who I am and try to always love my wellbeing no matter how shatter it has been. Life is indeed cruel but I really wish I can be enough for me, solely for me to still keep the spirit going, until it really fades..
I am still grateful for who I am today. But, it’s just inevitable to also go through the downs of my roller-coaster life, hopefully I’ll slowly enjoy the ups again soon. Hope you guys are doing well and still be grateful :)
